worshipping the Lord

Galvin

check out the above blog, i think the Lord must've caused me to stumble upon it today. this man is such a blessing, he's written such wonderful songs to the Lord. and the best part is, he's giving them out for free! o man just listening to them gives me chills.

praise the Lord, worshipping Jesus fills me with life, fills me with the joy of the Holy Ghost. i'd almost forgotten how it's like to just stand still in His presence, how it's like to give myself to worshipping Daddy God with wild abandon!

i know it's a good thing that my parents are coming to church with me, and i thank the Lord that He has opened this door of opportunity...but yet whenever they're next to me during worship, i feel strangely inhibited. i don't dare to raise my hands, i don't dare to jump around, i don't dare to sing too loudly. i just feel so conscious of them next to me, what they'll think of me... and it's almost painful sometimes! i can't give of myself like i used to, it's almost as if i've lost the joy of worshipping God... and that really scares me. i guess it's a good thing that i'm not serving in the choir now too, i'd feel 10 times more self-conscious than i already do now.

yet, listening to galvin's songs... i feel something stirring within me. his voice is clear, his songs are anointed... Lord, i miss You so much...

speaking of the choir, they had a photoshoot yesterday after the service at the indoor stadium. God i feel so left out! i've never missed out any choir event before, and to think that i've never eve met the newbies, didn't sing for the last item, didn't serve in the indoor stadium... Lord, i know it's wrong to feel this way but it feels like i've been cut off from my family, like a part of me has died. oh ok fine, so i'm going into melodramatics now, but i can't help it, this has really been on my mind the past few weeks. i know i need this break, but how can i enjoy this break when my heart is back with the choir?

now this really makes me wonder. am i in love with serving You, Lord, or in love with serving Your ministry? am i in love with You or in love with Your people? is this the reason why You've made me step back? have i been doing things for the wrong reason? i guess it's good to step away and take stock of everything, but somehow it seems like nothing seems to be straightening out, in fact everything's become more muddled than before.

Lord, i need help. help me...